Monkeyfish

Germs

Kendra suggested that Monkeyfish share the single spoon that came with her Dippin Dots at the zoo. Her response: "I'll get *germs,* crazy woman!"

Executive Branch Material

I'm having a rather stern conversation with Monkeyfish about lying. Why we don't, what the consequences might be, issues of trust, etc. She listens politely, then interjects this hypothetical:

"Daddy, what if there were ten dinosaurs standing near you, and I told you there was only one dinosaur standing near you? And then I said to myself – in my head – that the other dinosaurs were just waiting in line."

You Don't Say

Monkeyfish has adopted a new, all-purpose adjective:

"Can you walk a little further, kiddo?"
"No. I'm too honky."

"How was your day?"
"It was honky."

"You did a great job!"
"I'm a very honky girl."

Extraction

“Dad,” asked Monkeyfish. “Do you know what Night Mode is?”

“Night Mode?” I asked, thinking of infra-red cameras, or the “Black Dash” setting in our friends’ old Saab. “I think so.”

“Well, we will need it to be dark when we play Evil Tooth Fairy.”

“Um, what is Evil Tooth Fairy?”

“The Evil Tooth Fairy has really good lookers, so it can see in the dark. And it has really good ears so it can hear in the dark.”

“Oh.”

“It doesn't need to turn on the lights. It just comes into your room and pinches your teeth out. One by one.”

“Oh.”

“And it puts them into a jar and the fox puts stink into the jar.”

“Do you mean the skunk puts stink in the jar?” I asked.

“Yes, the skunk.”

“Well,” I said, “that is a story I’m glad I didn’t know when I was your age.”

“How old were you when you were my age? Three and a half?”

"Yes."

Venti

Perhaps it was the rainy weather keeping us inside (very Cat in the Hat); perhaps it was the fact that my wife is out of town for a couple of days, seriously perturbing our orbits; or perhaps it was the 2 A.M., three scotch, politics-religion-and-emerging-technologies teleconference I found myself in last night with two college buddies. In any case, today was a grey and listless day, what Monkeyfish calls a "boring day." I knew I wasn't at my best when she asked, "Dad, do you want to get some coffee?" Of course, she's the one who woke me at 6:15.

Stretch of Road

We were driving in highway gridlock, everyone in a bad mood, and Monkeyfish was asking, at fifteen second intervals: "Why are we going so slow?" "Why are we going so slow?" "Why are we going so slow?"

We answered, "We don't know." "We don't know." "We don't KNOW!" Until I finally, and firmly, called Quiet Time.

After a perfectly-timed delay—just long enough to make us believe that the topic was really closed—we heard her speak quietly from the back seat: "Maybe there's gum in the road."

Appall Riser

When we redo the back stair of our house, I want to replace the existing (originally exterior, rough, painted, wood) staircase with a steel staircase with open-riser treads. For light, for visual space, for coolness. Except...

Today, I had to carry Monkeyfish up two flights of an open-riser steel staircase, because:

• the stairs looked "old,"
• the stairs looked "super creepy," and
• the stairs looked "too wide open."

*Sigh*

Cake

Monkeyfish's favorite pastry at Starbuck's? "Lollypoppyseed cake."

Wrong Turn

Monkeyfish, after taking a drink and coughing because she took a bad swallow:

It went down the wrong hallway.

State of Denial

When my wife wouldn't let her touch our freshly-refinished coffee table:

Mom, you deny me everything!